Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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