Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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