john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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