Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
