Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
