It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize