I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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