What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
