So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The best revenge is premature balding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
