wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize