Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
