I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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