real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
