I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
