If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
