my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
