3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what day is it and did you see me today?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
