One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
