If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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