Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
