If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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