How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
