He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
