No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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