i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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