i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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