All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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