So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
