Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
