did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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