Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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