I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
