WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
