i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I looked at my own cervix.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
