all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
