He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
