dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
