she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
