I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
