Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
