yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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