Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize