last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
