I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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