apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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