Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize