please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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