just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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