I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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