She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
