I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
