I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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