I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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