I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
