If i come over, it means nothing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
