No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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