..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
