you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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