Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm always down for nudity.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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