Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
