Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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