so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
