She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
