My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
