Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
