Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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