I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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