How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
